


the one where jonghyun has crabs

by katrinawritesthings



Series: Hermit Crab au [1]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Brotp, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-10-20 06:44:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10657101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katrinawritesthings/pseuds/katrinawritesthings
Summary: - You’re the RA and you’re trying to bust me for having hermit crabs“Bro, please?” Jonghyun whines. “Like, come on. I’ll suck your dick.”





	the one where jonghyun has crabs

It’s lucky that Jonghyun was up by the door to check his calendar. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have heard the knock over his music. He leans over and opens it curiously, wondering who’s coming to see him at five thirty-seven on a Thursday night. First he looks straight out, and then he looks up, because whoever this is is a few inches taller than him, longish black hair, big eyes. Kind of handsome, actually.

“Hi,” he says, smiling a bit. “Can I help you?" Tall person smiles a little smile back, reaching up to scratch his cheek.

“Yeah, uh, I’m Minho, the RA guy?” Jonghyun makes a mental note as he nods politely. Guy. He. Okay. Minho smiles a little wider at Jonghyun’s acknowledgement of his status; Jonghyun tries to keep his friendly smile up as he tries to think of why the RA would be knocking at his door. “I’ve gotten some complaints about your music,” Minho continues. Jonghyun gasps softly in realization. Fuck. Of course.

“Oh--oh, shit, I’m sorry,” he hisses, fumbling in his pocket for the remote to his speakers. He clicks the volume down to a reasonable level and turns back to Minho with a sheepish grin. “Sorry,” he apologizes again. “My roommate’s already gone for the weekend and I guess I just forgot that other people could bug me about the music too.” He shrugs. Minho mirrors his shrug with an easy grin.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he says. “I have better things to do than write you up for playing ‘Anaconda’ too lou--what’s that?” Minho switches subjects halfway through his sentence, frowning at something over Jonghyun’s shoulder. Jonghyun frowns too, looking around the dorm he usually shares with Taemin. Everything seems normal.

“What’s what?” he asks, confused.

“That glass cage, back there,” Minho says, pointing.

“Oh--” Jonghyun grins again, turning to look at his little hermit crabs, poking around in their little crabitat. He loves when people ask him about them. “They’re my hermit crabs,” he says brightly, gesturing at them. “I have seven--Roo, Eve, Egg, Hyaku, Choco--”

“Pets aren’t allowed,” Minho says, cutting him off with a frown. Jonghyun’s arm falls limply, smile faltering under Minho’s disciplinary glare.

“They’re hermit crabs,” he says, raising his eyebrows. This guy can’t be serious. Minho’s frown continues to look serious.

“They’re still pets,” he says. “You can’t have any pets in the dorms, or on campus at all. How’d you even get that cage in here without anyone noticing?” This guy’s got a really guilt-inducing frown. It’s not fair. Jonghyun scuffs the floor with his toe. It was easy, really. He doubled the cage as a box when he was moving in and reused the old plastic container he got when he first bought the crabs from Petco. No one suspected a thing. That’s not the point, though--the point is, this guy is trying to bust him for having hermit crabs. Cute, sweet little friends that just poke around having shell-changing parties all day.

“Come on, dude, just let it go,” he pleads. “You have better things to do than write me up for some crabs, right?” Jonghyun certainly has better things to do than be written up for having some crabs. Minho continues frowning, looking from Jonghyun to the cage and back.

“I could really get in trouble if someone higher up found out that I’ve been letting you keep those,” he says slowly. Shit. Jonghyun is losing this. He pouts, doing his best puppy eyes.

“Bro, please?” he whines. “Like, come on. I’ll suck your dick,” he offers, wiggling his eyebrows. He doesn’t even bat an eyelash at the fact that he’s offering a blowjob to the RA for the right to keep his pets. He feels like Taemin would be proud of him. Minho just blinks at him, face a blank slate.

“Bruh,” he says, “are you gay?”

Wow. They sure picked a truly observant individual to be the RA of the entire third floor.

Well, kind of. Not really.

“...No,” Jonghyun says truthfully. Normally he would just roll with it--it’s too much work to explain to the the socially normal--but this time, he thinks this conversation might throw Minho off enough to forget about the crabs. Minho blinks at him again.

“Yes,” he says, like he knows Jonghyun’s sexuality better than him. Jonghyun frowns.

“Am not,” he retorts. A little furrow creases between Minho’s eyes.

“You just offered to suck my dick.”

“So? I like dicks.”

"You're a dude."

"And?"

“You liking dicks is totally gay.”

“No.”

“...Yes.”

Jonghyun purses his lips. Rude.

“No,” he repeats. " _Boys_ are gay. _Dicks_ are phallo.” There’s a very distinct difference.

“What?”

Minho apparently doesn’t understand the very distinct difference. Jonghyun sighs. Of course. Typical straight boy. It does at least give him an out, though. Hopefully.

“Look,” he says. “Look up other genders and orientations and shit and come back after you’ve educated yourself and maybe we’ll talk about my hermit crabs again.” He smiles brightly, pats Minho on the shoulder, and shuts the door in his face. Then he waits and listens; Minho doesn’t knock again, and after a moment, Jonghyun hears him shuffling away down the hallway. He grins to himself. Dismissing people like that is the best thing he’s learned here, to be honest.

He slips over to his crabitat, smiling down at his sandy little friends fondly, checking their humidity, cooing at them, and nudging Taeyeon away from the edge of the big water bowl because she’s always tumbling in by accident. Champagne scuttles over to feel up his finger and he grins. He would absolutely suck a dick to keep these little cuties.

~

The next time there’s a knock at the door, Jonghyun hears it from where he’s lounging on his bed because his music isn’t obnoxiously loud. He dumps his phone next to him and rolls out of bed, trying to figure out who could be at his door this time. It is Sunday night; maybe Taemin is finally back and just has his hands full or something. He opens the door with an easy grin that slides right off of his face as soon as he sees who it really is. He groans, leaning against the doorframe and frowning at the RA.

“Dude, come on, just let me have my hermit crabs,” he whines. “They’re like, the least messy things on the planet when I take them out of the cage. They just poke around on my tummy and they’re really cute and--”

“No--that’s not--you ruined me.” Minho is pouting; Jonghyun is more taken aback at that than what he said. It never occurred to him that Minho would be a pouting kind of dude, handsome as he was. He’d thought it wouldn’t work with the angles of his face, but wow, this is kind of lethal. He feels bad and he doesn’t even know what he did wrong.

“Uh… what?” he asks, train of thought lost. He ruined Minho? How? Minho pouts some more, looking really kind of pathetic.

“You ruined me,” he repeats. “I looked up gender and sexualities and shit like you said and I don’t know what I identify as anymore?”

Oh. Jonghyun snorts. Holy shit, the guy actually did it. That’s like, one in a million. He grins, cocking an eyebrow at the distressed RA in front of him.

“Just google some more shit and you’ll figure it out, dude,” he says, shrugging and moving to shut his door again. He’s done with angsty confused identification arcs. He tired himself out for life with his own a few years ago. Maybe he’ll give Minho some flyers for the school’s queer clubs later or something, but his spiral into the rainbow isn’t Jonghyun’s problem.

“If you help me out instead I’ll let you keep your crabs,” Minho says quickly, before Jonghyun can close the door fully. Jonghyun stops, squints into Minho’s eyes suspiciously. There is no lie in that kind of confused desperation that’s taken over his whole face. Well then.

Minho’s spiral into the rainbow has suddenly become his top priority.

He grins widely, stepping aside and gesturing with a royal wave of his hand for Minho to come into his messy dorm.


End file.
